Stories by Jim Swanson

In Bill we trust

Wonder of wonders. The geniuses at Microsoft have finally realised what it really is that we all want. Apparently it’s called “Trustworthy Computing”. From now on Microsoft will be focusing on making its software secure and reliable rather than just adding lots of new features that no one will ever use.

Phone rage: the last word

Oh dear, oh dear. The more astute of you will have noticed my, ahem, obvious mistake in the print version of "A Week of IT" in the last Computeworld for 2001. You’ll have figured that 0.001% of 850,000 isn’t 850, it’s 8.5. I forgot to divide by 100 to allow for the % bit. It could’ve happened to anyone. It’s really just rotten luck that it happened to me. Maybe that CDMA phone-induced apoplectic fit I took in my car that fateful Saturday morning last year killed off more neurons than I thought.
While my mathematical error makes me feel a bit silly, the corrected version must make Telecom feel a whole lot worse. Now it only takes more than 8.5 disgruntled CDMA users to bugger up its “It Works” five-nines claim.
Now, apparently, Telecom’s claim only refers to its core network. It’s funny — maybe I’m just a bit thick … my maths skills certainly point to that conclusion — but I don’t recall hearing or seeing that qualifier anywhere in Telecom’s TV advertising or on its website (apart from in the Teflon-coated Legal Disclaimer and Terms and Conditions). Boo.
Different year, same old …
Having spent a bit over three weeks carefully avoiding the office, my email and anything work-and IT-related, it’s that time of year when I’m back at work and trying to pick up the threads again.
I haven’t really formed any opinions about this year yet — it’s a bit like when you’re paying for your petrol or your coffee or paper or whatever on your way to work and the Einstein behind the counter asks you, at 7:30 in the morning, how your day is going and you stand there, grimacing (as you do at that hour of the day) and trying to figure out whether or not it’s a wind-up. So far 2002 seems pretty in control but I’m anticipating the boom will drop any moment now (or “momentarily”, as our American friends say).
Speaking of American friends, I’m definitely having a better year than Larry Ellison. The guy finally pulls finger and comes out to New Zealand and, having taken a few days off to shoot hoops on the deck of his yacht in the Bay Of Islands, pops in on the guys in the viaduct just in time to see them break one of his boats yet again. What is that now? Two keels, one mast and, oh yes, that little thing with the cable. You’ve got to feel sorry for the guy, don’t you? Nah. Actually, I reckon it’s time Larry sprung for some new boats. With Oracle’s current CPU-based licensing regime, it shouldn’t be too hard for him.
Oh joy …
The editor will be delighted to know that Santa reads Computerworld. He must do because I got my real man’s charcoal-burning barbeque for Christmas. It’s a beauty. It’s installed out on our third-floor balcony and has been working very hard over the holidays providing us and our guests with exquisitely grilled delights. My wife is still a bit unsure. I don’t think she’s too keen on the fact that I can make real fire on our little balcony … I think she’d rather I was down the back of a large paddock and well away from any buildings or livestock.

Phone rage, part 2

Judging by the number of emails I received from readers last week it’s apparent that my piece on my frustrations with my flash new Kyocera CDMA phone (Trade you my CDMA phone for a brick) struck a chord with more than a few of you. Thanks for all the war stories. Keep ‘em coming.

Trade you my CDMA phone for a brick

Half of Mt Eden must think I’m completely barmy. A couple of Saturday mornings ago I was seen driving through the Mt Eden village (which for those who don't know is pretty much in the middle of the Auckland isthmus), hammering on my car’s dash with my cellphone and yelling very unpleasant things.

I was a high school computer lab rat

At high school I was lucky – our maths teacher was a computer buff so we got to use the school’s computer in class. It was some ancient Olivetti thing that must have been cast off by a wealthier school.

All over bar the shouting …

A couple of days ago (at the time of writing anyway – I do these things a week ahead of their publication date) the final settlement was reached in the US DoJ v Microsoft antitrust case.

Your mission, Jim …

What a terrible few weeks. Regular readers of A Week of IT will have noticed that I’ve skipped a couple of instalments recently.

Thin is as thin does …

Thin client computing is something that is very near to my heart. As a supplier of information services to a business, I’m always looking for better (ie cheaper, better performing and easier to manage) ways of providing power to the desktop.

The weakest link (Part 3)

The bit that fails in most carefully designed and implemented business systems is usually a human being. The technical term commonly used by helpdesk types to describe this phenomenon is PEBKAC (problem exists between keyboard and chair).

Further along the non-Windows route

Okay, I give in. Setting up PPP in Solaris to connect it to the internet was just too damn hard. I tried. I really did. I even found a really useful setup script out on the net — like, one that was supposed to solve all those “this is too damn hard” kind of complaints from idiots like me — but I ultimately just couldn’t make it work properly on my home PC.

Feeling let down by Microsoft

Life just isn’t as straightforward as it ought to be. No sooner do I make a deep and difficult philosophical — and business — decision than something comes along that causes me to completely re-evaluate my thinking.

Paper trail getting harder to navigate

Yet another busy fortnight has just slipped by, though to be honest, not all of my busy-ness has been strictly business. I’ve just spent the weekend — and two days preceding it — shifting house. What a heinous business that is.

Knees-up gives thinking time

The last couple of weeks have been relatively quiet — a major work project got slipped onto the back-burner a week or so ago and I spent the last two days of last week working at home while recuperating from my second knee cartilage repair in six months.

Paperclip death opens path to open source

I have a confession to make. I have a bad habit. I’ve spent all my years as a desk-bound worker systematically mangling paper clips. I can’t help myself. Really.

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